Surviving the Holidays

Surviving the holidays.  We are told “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”.  I have found through the years that this is true for very few people.  The holidays are stressful and there is pressure from a variety of sources including friends, family, the media and others to spend money we may or may not have, party and damn it, BE HAPPY.  The minute I’m pressured to be something is the time I fail utterly.  The following are some suggestions on how to get through the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's with as much grace and as little pain as possible.  For Singles.  For Those Visiting Family.

1.              Keep a sense of humor.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with making fun of the fact that you are supposed to be happy, filled with the milk of human kindness and surrounded by fuzzy warm friends, family and feelings.  I’m all for helping others and I do think that when you spend time helping others it does make the world a better place.  But you can’t help others if you aren’t in a good place yourself.  So do whatever you need to do to comfort and care for your self and I find that laughter is a great tool in surviving the holidays.

2.              Watch some fun movies. Go for really silly, funny movies.  "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", “Elf”, “Scrooged” with Bill Murray, “Groundhogs Day”, or watch cartoons, or go to a galaxy far far away and watch “Star Wars”.  I find sometimes when I really want to escape a good science fiction adventure movie is the best thing to take me away.

3.                  Eat Good Food.  The holidays are full of sugar.  I’m not saying don’t indulge a little.  Just make sure it’s a little.  You can eat one cookie instead of ten.  You can have the pie without the ice cream or instead of another serving of mashed potatoes.  Be wise and go with moderation.  Just be aware that what you eat can affect your mood.  So be selective. Have smaller portions and don't waste calories on anything that doesn’t taste absolutely wonderful.  Surviving the holidays by eating well - save those calories for your favorites.

4.              Exercise.  I know you are saying “I don’t have time!”.  Park far away from the store where you are going shopping.  Walk all the way around the mall once, before going and diving into the major shopping.  Take a walk after the meal at the restaurant.  Take the stairs instead of the escalator.  Do sit-ups or stretches for ten-twenty minutes while you watch the movie or TV.  Keep an elastic band at your desk and actually take that 15 minute break and do some arm curls.  Are you at the computer every day?  stretch your legs in front of you under the desk and hold them there for a count of ten.  Do this ten times.  Here’s a list of exercises you can do at your desk.  Exercise is essential for surviving the holidays.

5.                  Get plenty of sleep.  Whether you are spending the holidays rushing around doing all of your usual things or planning ahead for what to do with your alone time, sleep is essential.  Schedule in your sleep time first when you plan out your day.  If you are too tired to think straight, you cannot get anything done efficiently and perhaps not even done at all.

6.              Just Say No.  The number one rule for surviving the holidays is remembering that you can always say "No" to anything you don’t really want to do.  If you are too stressed, too overcommitted, or just too overwhelmed to take on one more thing. "No, I can't bake cookies for the party." "No, I can't make the office party because I’m getting together to bake cookies with my neighbor for my kid’s class party." "No, I can't make it to church today; I'm exhausted and I need the sleep."  You don't even have to explain why if you don't want to.  You are surviving the holidays with grace.  You are an adult and you can make your own decisions.  It’s ok to say no.  It’s part of taking care of yourself.

7.                  Forget trying to make things perfect.  Perfection is unattainable.  You won’t always be able to find the gift that is going to mean more to this person than anything else they got.  The dinner may not be perfect.  Someone may get a cold.  Someone may say the wrong thing.  Try to let things go.  The printer may not work when you want to print your Holiday letter and you may have to email it to work to print it, or take it to Kinko’s.  Surviving the holidays is about being flexible and allow things to happen naturally.

8.              Avoid too much alcohol.  I know there are a dozen parties.  But remember to have a glass of water in between each drink.  Drinking too much alcohol will not help regulate your moods over this holiday and won’t make all the stress go away.  It may even make it worse and it’ll definitely give you a headache the next day which will make getting through the next day’s events harder.

9.              Send cards or e-cards.  Many of us are feeling the weight of money troubles these days.  Instead of buying lots of gifts.  Send cards or e-cards to your friends and family.  Make calls if you can’t visit.  I like Rubber Chicken Cards and Jib Jab. 

10.              Elf yourself.  This is a really funny thing you can do for no money and send to all your friends. 

Surviving the holidays for Singles

Being alone during the holidays can suck.  Below are a few things you can do in addition to the ten above.

1.                  Reach Out. Being far from your family and friends at the holidays is rough. You may even find yourself envying those people with difficult families. Instead, step outside of yourself and look around you for others far from home. You can create new holiday traditions of your own. Or make plans to volunteer at a soup kitchen.  Lending a helping hand can assist in surviving the holidays and make you feel very good in the process.

2.                  Stay Busy.  So how do you spend all that time by yourself without getting depressed? Well, here are a few tips. Stay busy. Give yourself a project that you will enjoy.  Make a collage.  Or simply get some errands done.  There were holidays that I spent doing laundry at the Laundromat and then going for dinner by myself and reading a book and you know what.  I had a good time.  If you enjoy yourself that’s all that matters.  You don’t have to live up to the TV’s version of a perfect holiday.  Just being able to look at my list at the end of the day and feel like I have accomplished something helps me feel positive about myself, and actually doing those things helps fill my day with activity.  Staying busy is a great tool for surviving the holidays.  It keeps you from having too much time to sit and think about loneliness and depression.

3.                  Make your own traditions.  This year I had a big steak for my Thanksgiving dinner and enjoyed it far more than I would have the traditional turkey and stuffing.  Instead of staying up to the wee hours of the morning cooking and baking and cleaning, stay up late watching a favorite movie and sleep as late as you want to the next day.  Surviving the holidays is about creating traditions that serve you.

4.                  Work.  Earn overtime pay by working! Most people want to take off during the holidays.  If you work at the office when few people are there, you can take the time to write letters to friends and get paid for it.  Who is going to hold the fort at work?  You help others and make some extra pocket change and it keeps you busy!

5.                  Have Fun.  Go out and do the stuff you love! Go to the gym.  Go see a movie at a movie theatre.  Go shopping and take advantage of the sales late Christmas Eve or New Years Day.  Buy yourself the items you really wanted for yourself.  Go to a museum exhibit you haven't been able to visit. You don't have to worry about anyone holding you back.  Or volunteer.  Many Churches and Synagogues have volunteer programs on Christmas Day.

6.                  Seek out singles events and gatherings.  There are singles many parties on New Years Eve in every major City (www.prosinthecity.com) . It's a great time to meet people because everyone is open and festive.  No one wants to be alone on New Years Eve. Or you can create your own party for friends.  

Surviving the holidays if you are visiting family

1.                  Keep it simple.  Survival is the key word here. If it's always a nightmare and you can't get out of the family plans, minimize your time with them.  Make a plan before you attend.  Make other plans so that you can leave early or arrive late.  You don't have to spend the entire holiday with them.  The less time you have to be on your best behavior the better and the easier surviving the holidays will be.

2.                  Perspective.  It's important to accept that you can't change your relatives.  You only have control over you.  It's best not to have high expectations of difficult people. Avoid getting pulled into conversations that you know won’t go well. 

3.                  Have a few standard answers.  How’s work?  Have one positive story you can tell about work.  If you are single and you are tired of people asking you “So what’s going on in your love life?”  Have a standard answer.  Smile and say very little.  Walking away or excusing yourself to go to the bathroom when someone just refuses to let you change the subject works.  If one person is the problem, focus on everyone else.  Just remember to stay calm.  Take a chilly walk if necessary. Hang out with the kids.  Have a long chat with a favorite cousin. Or rent a movie and watching it together.  Movies create a common bond that facilitates surviving the holidays in a peaceful manner. 

4.                  Your time is limited.  Remember, if all else fails, that you don’t live with all these people all the time.  The evening or weekend will end.  Tomorrow will come.  This will be in the past and life will go back to normal.

5.                  Plan an escape route.  If the thought of a party, family gathering, or other "mandatory" social event leaves you knotted up with anxiety, plan ahead for some "escape time" for yourself.  No matter where you are, if you are suddenly feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, claustrophobia, or simply more emotion than you feel safe showing in public, seek out the nearest restroom and stay inside until you have mentally gathered yourself together.  The bathroom is a simple solution that is always available.  It gives you privacy to take a few deep breaths, try to calm down, and mentally reevaluate your situation enough to decide if you think you really can calm down, or if you really need to tell the host or leader of the party or social event that you are not feeling well and need to go home.  Sometimes surviving the holidays means allow yourself to escape when you need to.

More Tips of Surviving the Holidays